I think I doubt I am

Feeling weak not free on this imaginary friday, thinking I need to recover myself and this alcohol doesn’t want to help, isn’t helping and isn’t gonna help, no way. Thinking about that insane Inane Inhumane ambition some people have to  somehow be on top

Inhumane;thinking back I must have taken you for a ride. I hope you’re still not spun out on me because I can drive even me insane; I haven’t even seen or heard from my friends in days which feel like months. Some soft sort of pain vibrating through my body. Too much bad food? Too much alcohol? Maybe I’m just paranoid from all those blazed days sitting in the forest or on the broken trampoline or even that water tower just above the school. And to top everything off I got a nasty bruise on my face ouch and my self confidence is at an all time low, ouch.

One friend calls me like we had plans but I don’t know maybe he’s dragging me down. Because I feel like a goddamn drag. Dead bodies of pure animals golden retrievers and the like being dragged, either dead or drugged poor things. They can have some pity.

Inane; maybe if I had some sort of talent other then writing like some desperate wannabe or playing some simple tune.

I AM, I’m not special or brilliant I’m just as depraved and ugly as anything how depressing.

If there is a beauty in me I’m not ready to accept it. All I know is I just am. And maybe I’m beautiful and maybe it’s what I make and what I put my effort in which defines me.

One things for sure, no more TV.

ambition
some people have to somehow be on top

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